


Out of the Void

by ewinfic



Category: The Covenant (2006)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Caretaking, Character Death, Convenient Dead Character, First Time, Fix-It, Fluid Sexuality, Helpless Chase, Hospice Care, Hurt/Comfort, Late Stage Alcoholism, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nurturing Caleb, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Reformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:37:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7162685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewinfic/pseuds/ewinfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"If he makes trouble, I do what I did last time and beat him.  But this time, I kill him."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"You make it sound so easy, Caleb.  You've never killed anybody."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Neither have you."</i>
</p><p><i>Pogue sighed.  "No, I haven't, but I'm not the one pretending to be the bad cop here.  You're not gonna kill him, or you would have done it the first time you beat him, when you were lashing out and angry and scared and shit knows what else.  Then, maybe you could have killed him.  </i>Maybe<i>.  But now?  Not a chance."</i></p><p>
  <i>"You know, the important part of what you just said is me.  I'm the one who did it.  I'm the one who put him out into limbo, and that's why I had to bring him back.  I'm the one who brought him back, so he's my responsibility.  The math is not that hard," said Caleb wearily.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was a wind in the void.

He noticed it because there was no wind before. No wind, nor air, nor anything else... nothing that moved, nothing that stood, nothing that existed at all. Even he himself did not exist, in that place. Existence wasn't possible.

And yet, here was this wind, stubbornly blowing and moving and cooling and _being_ , as though to prove some kind of a point.

Out of nothing more than curiosity, he followed it. The curiosity was refreshing. As he hadn't existed in this place, feeling and thinking had been unheard-of luxuries. Now apparently he existed enough to feel an interest in something. More than that; an interest in something other than himself, which had happened rarely enough even when he was still alive.

He wasn't sure he was alive now. Nor dead. This wasn't limbo. He wasn't sure what it was, now that he thought about it. And that was a new thing as well; thought.

He couldn't see. Or rather, he could see only darkness. Which meant that he _could_ see, because darkness is an actual something. And if he could see, that meant he had eyes. And a body.

He opened his eyes.

The wind was cold over his skin. He spared a moment's surprise over the fact that he had skin, and then suddenly the vague, clinical detachment of the void was gone, and he was shoved firmly and painfully back into his own body and his own consciousness. For a moment, everything in him screamed, and he gasped for breath so that he could actually scream aloud, but by the time he had breathed in, the moment was past. He was still in pain, though. Naked, in pain, and chilled by the wind.

His eyes were starting to grow accustomed to the normal darkness of an exterior night time, and he blinked a few times as he tried to sit up. It took three tries; he felt incredibly weak. He had never felt this weak, not even in childhood, in the days before his first Power.

He reached for the Power like a child reaches for a worn blanket, wanting to feel the comfort of it flowing through him. But there was nothing there. He reached again; nothing. It was as though he'd never had Power at all. The thought of an existence without it was a stab of fear.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, shivering. He closed his eyes again. _No. Not like this. I don't want to come back if it's going to be like this._ He focused as hard as he could on not existing, but it was useless. He was stuck here, now. Alive and helpless.

"He's over here!" The shout startled him. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

He stayed curled up and kept his eyes closed. He had no friends. He had never had friends, not in this world. Whoever was coming was coming for a dark reason, and he had no Power to defend himself. _Fine. Let them come. Death would be better._ But was that the void he'd been in?

Footsteps were approaching from several different directions, loudly crunching in the dry leaves. They stilled. He could feel himself being looked at. _And now... you strike._ But whoever was out there was hesitating for some reason.

He opened his eyes and lifted his head.

The first one his eyes focused on was... _I know his name. What is his name?_ A young man with shoulder-length shaggy hair that was an indeterminate gray shade in the darkness. His eyes were narrow and wary. "Welcome back to the earth, fuckwad," he said softly.

 _His name is..._ "Pogue?"

"That's right. Don't even think about trying anything."

_What would I try? I have nothing. Wait a minute. What's my name? Not fuckwad._

"Do you know where you are?" said a slightly deeper voice.

He turned toward it. Another tall young man with dark short hair and a handsome face. His dark eyes weren't narrow or mean; simply curious, strangely open. His eyes were kind. _Caleb. His name is Caleb. He makes me nervous. I wonder why?_ "No, I don't know where I am. Or who I am. Or why I'm here."

Caleb exchanged glances with Pogue. "Your name is Chase Collins."

 _Chase Collins._ He... Chase, that is... shook his head a little. "That name isn't... I don't know my name."

"Then it'll have to be Chase for now," said Caleb. He crouched down so that he was at eye-level with Chase. "Do you know where you were?"

"Nowhere. It has no name. How long was I there?" Faint memories were beginning to come back; enough that he felt afraid. Caleb's eyes were kind, but he wasn't a friend. He couldn't be. Not after... after...

"Two years. We found you by accident, you could have been there forever," said Caleb.

"You _should_ have been there forever," said Pogue. "I was against bringing you back."

"So was I," said another voice, this one lighter and sharper than the others. Chase turned to look; _Reid._ The fourth young man said nothing, and Chase thought, _Tyler. The quiet one._

"Then why did you bring me back?" asked Chase.

Caleb said, "You tried to kill me. So maybe you deserve to die. But nobody deserves an eternity in the Barrens."

Memories were coming thick and fast now. Chase shook his head, trying to sort through them. "You should just kill me now."

Caleb seemed surprised. "Why?"

"I have no Power."

"So what?"

Chase blinked at Caleb for a moment. It was incomprehensible that Caleb of all people wouldn't understand this; Chase had no _Power_. His entire reason for being was gone. "I have no Power," he repeated stupidly, feeling more helpless than ever. _I can't even communicate with them._

"Jesus, it really messed you up to use so much so young, didn't it?" said Caleb. He stood up and leaned forward, holding out a hand. "Come on."

"He could be lying, Caleb," Pogue said.

"He's not. Can't you feel it?" said Caleb.

"I can feel it," said Reid. Chase felt a sudden chill and prickling pain at his back, followed by a hard shove. He cowered away from it. Reid said, "He can't defend himself."

"Which is exactly why we're not going to act like a bunch of little kids with a caged animal. Don't do that again," said Caleb in a dangerous tone. His hand was still held out. Chase hesitantly took it, and was heaved up to standing on wobbly legs.

He was not quite as tall as Caleb.

But slightly older, he remembered now. That was the source of all the trouble; a birthday in the wrong place.

 _Am I still older?_ "How old am I now?"

"Probably the same age," said Caleb. "The best we know, time doesn't pass in the Barrens."

"So you're all older than I am, now."

The men glanced at each other, and Pogue said, "Yeah. We're all Ascended to full Power now. And you have nothing."

"I have nothing." Chase nodded. "How will I live?"

"We're gonna figure that out," said Caleb. "First thing is to report this to the police. If you ever want a life again, access to your family's money, a name, a social security card, we have to be legit about this. Here is the story: we found you here. You don't remember anything from the past two years. Got it?"

Chase nodded silently. It was close enough to the truth, it wouldn't be hard to lie. Then again, it had never been hard for him to tell lies.

He tried to take a step forward and stumbled; Caleb caught his shoulders and righted him. "You okay?"

"No." Chase felt fear burning deep in his belly, churning his guts into soup. He could barely stand or walk. He couldn't use. It was getting harder to breathe. Nothing here was right. He was still nowhere, and would always be nowhere...

"Hey!" Caleb's voice was as sharp as a slap. "Snap out of it."

Chase blinked away tears. He could feel Caleb's hands on his shoulders; they were warm and strong. Trustworthy hands. Caleb had always been trustworthy, which was a part of why Chase had targeted him. Trustworthy people were subject to manipulation. Would Caleb be that stupid again? At the moment, the only power Chase had was his ability to lie.

"Sorry. I'm fine now," he lied.

They led him out of the woods.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I added an archive warning for Major Character Death, but since the character is dead before the beginning of the story, I'm not sure it really applies here. I de-selected it.

"What exactly did you plan on doing? Keeping him as a fucking house pet?"

"Pogue, the nonstop enraged thing is getting really old," said Caleb. He rubbed his forehead with his hands. "He's not a pet, but somebody does need to keep an eye on him for a while. There's no guarantee his Power won't come back."

"In which case, I ask again, what are you gonna do?" Pogue sat down at the table with an angry thump.

"If he makes trouble, I do what I did last time and beat him. But this time, I kill him."

"You make it sound so easy, Caleb. You've never killed anybody."

"Neither have you."

Pogue sighed. "No, I haven't, but I'm not the one pretending to be the bad cop here. You're not gonna kill him, or you would have done it the first time you beat him, when you were lashing out and angry and scared and shit knows what else. Then, maybe you could have killed him. _Maybe_. But now? Not a chance."

"You know, the important part of what you just said is me. I'm the one who did it. I'm the one who put him out into limbo, and that's why I had to bring him back. I'm the one who brought him back, so he's my responsibility. The math is not that hard," said Caleb wearily.

"What about your mom?"

Caleb laughed bitterly. "She wouldn't notice if I parked a freight train in the living room. She'll be fine."

"But will you be fine, with two people to take care of now instead of one?"

"Sure. I'm always fine." Caleb smiled. "Remember?"

Pogue shook his head. "I don't buy it, and I still don't think this is a good idea. Caleb, Chase killed his own parents on his eighteenth birthday. His own _parents_. He may not have Power anymore, but that doesn't make him any less a monster."

"Monsters aren't real."

"Neither are witches, yet here we are."

Caleb decided to change the subject. "How are Reid and Tyler? I've been bound up in administrative shit all day, since I'm the one who 'found' him."

"Oh, I think we're all a little bit stoned from using so much Power in the ritual, but recovering."

"Stoned. Nobody's used since, have they?"

"No." Pogue poked Caleb in the shoulder. "Reid's not stupid, Caleb."

"I know he's not, but he fakes it really well sometimes."

"How are _you_? You did most of the work."

Caleb looked at his hands, which were flecked with tiny burns and swollen from bruising. The spell of reemergence required a sacrifice of pain, but Caleb could handle pain. It also required a sacrifice of self, and that was a little harder to swallow. Caleb felt hollow on the inside. He was tired in a way he hadn't felt since that fight with Chase two years ago. "I'd be lying if I said I was feeling great, but I'll live. There's a weight off my chest now, though. When I saw him out there a year ago... things haven't been right since that day. They're not right now, but they're... righter, if that makes any sense."

"Sure, man." Pogue nodded, not even close to understanding.

Nobody could understand. Not really. Sarah would have gotten it, but she was gone.

About a year ago, Caleb had had a vision in his own bedroom mirror: Chase Collins, or rather a reflection of him, trapped in glass. Chase had been naked, his eyes open and full of blackness, his face a rictus of horrible pain, his mouth screaming. It had just been a flash and then gone, but it had been enough. Caleb couldn't bear the thought of putting someone into a place of excruciating torment, untouched by time. It had taken him six months of research to figure out just where Chase might be. It had taken another six months and all of his powers of persuasion to convince the guys to let him try to summon Chase back.

And now, Chase was back, and the awful, sick feeling of guilt and responsibility was gone, replaced by new feelings of anxiety and even more responsibility. But Caleb could finally relax. Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

The first few days were a maze of lawyers, police, and paperwork. It took a significant amount of money to grease the wheels on Chase's reappearance, Chase knew that much, but he didn't know how much or really why. Politics had never been his strong suit. He knew that money was something that Caleb had. Chase had it, too, but it was being held up in some kind of arrears. He guessed he would be paying Caleb back at some point. Caleb hadn't brought it up... yet.

When Caleb and Chase talked, it was about Chase's legal affairs. Eventually those would be mostly settled... well, hopefully they would be... and they were going to have to find something else to talk about. Chase almost looked forward to that. He had the vague notion that it was going to make Caleb feel very uncomfortable to have a heart to heart with someone he nearly killed.

Reading people and their emotions was a talent of Chase's, but Caleb didn't even make it difficult. He had a sweet, earnest apology in his eyes almost every time he looked at Chase, and a kind of worry.

Chase bided his time; he had to. It took all of his will and focus just to survive the first two weeks. Caleb set Chase up in one of the rooms of his house, fed him and gave him some clothes, but there was no way that Caleb could give Chase what Chase really needed: the desire to be alive. Without that desire, navigating the art of how to live again felt like trudging through a swamp.

Chase was too tired for any grand master plan or manipulation, and anyway he wasn't interested. The void had taken so much of what was inside of him and changed it somehow; everything that seemed so black and white before was now all shades of gray and torn to pieces like sawdust. But he kept analyzing Caleb as though it were a reflex, looking for weaknesses, looking for traps. It _was_ a reflex, truth be told; he had learned to do it so early in life that he couldn't remember not doing it, now. Every relationship was a mixture of advantages and disadvantages. Most of the time the disadvantages outweighed the former.

Caleb's mother didn't seem to know who Chase was, which was a relief. She spent most of her days in bed. The only person she really noticed or responded to was Caleb, and when she did, she smiled emptily at him and started to tell long rambling tales about his father and how wonderful he was, how Caleb reminded her of him. Caleb's mother was slowly pickling herself to death, but she clearly loved her son. When Chase saw the way she looked at Caleb, his chest hurt, and he had to look away.

Every part of his body hurt, most of the time. Just a little bit. Chase wondered whether it was an effect of the void, and whether it might go away with more time.

Caleb saw him carefully descending the stairs one day, and said, "You're hurting."

Chase shook his head, but couldn't entirely conceal a wince as he landed too heavily on the next stair step.

"And now you're lying."

Chase met Caleb's eyes and said, "Not very well, but yeah, I'm lying." He half-smiled, and Caleb gave him a whole smile in exchange. How very like him. Chase took another painful step, keeping his jaw firm and his face blank. Suddenly, the pain in his hip and leg stopped, replaced by a soothing warmth that started at his feet and swept softly through his entire body, erasing the pain as it went. He gasped with relief when it was gone. He looked at Caleb again. Caleb was still smiling, a shadow fading from his eyes.

"All you had to do was say something, man."

Chase felt strange for a moment, and then realized that he was angry. "I didn't say anything about it because I didn't want you to do anything about it."

"Well, that's remarkably stupid," said Caleb simply. "You're going through withdrawal from not using. I can help you if you let me."

"Why?" asked Chase.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to help me?" Chase asked slowly, pronouncing the words carefully as though speaking to a child. "Why am I here? Why not just let me stay..." he couldn't help a shudder... "Out there? I'm no good to you or anybody else this way. What are you after?"

Caleb lifted an eyebrow at him. "Okay, come here and sit down."

Chase let himself be led into the den, where he and Caleb sat down. Caleb poured them some brandy. Chase remembered his adopted dad drinking brandy when the weather turned cold. He'd never tasted the stuff himself. He politely accepted the funny-shaped glass from Caleb and sniffed at the contents. It smelled sweet and volatile. He took a sip, managed to swallow. "You know I'm underage, right?"

"So am I. One year left to go. I won't tell if you won't." Caleb sat down with his own brandy snifter, crossing his legs and looking every inch the rich man's son. Chase felt ill and resentful, looking at him. But why should he? Wasn't he also the son of a rich man?

_No. The adopted son, which is a very different thing. And they never let me forget it._ "I'm no use to you."

"So basically, on your planet, the only reason people interact with each other is to use each other?" Caleb's voice was gently mocking.

"What else is there?"

"Shit, you're serious?"

Chase shrugged uncomfortably. "I always saw other people interacting, and I never really understood it. I mean, I could fake it, but that's not the same thing."

"That's... really honest. It explains some things. Were you always that way?"

"Probably. I don't really know anymore." Chase took another sip of his brandy. It was starting to feel warm inside his belly and chest. He felt more comfortable than he'd felt in days. He relaxed back into the chair and closed his eyes. "I don't understand people like you. Like, nice, decent people. I don't get it. Where's the percentage?"

"What do you want the world to be like?" asked Caleb.

Chase shook his head. "Never thought about it."

"Well, I think about it a lot. I want the world to be a nice, decent kind of place. It's important to me. And if I want that to happen, I have to be the one to get it started, by acting that way."

Chase opened his eyes and gave Caleb a sardonic look. "You're not going to change the whole world, Caleb."

"I don't have to change the whole world, I'm happy changing just a little of it. Was that your plan when you wanted to take my Power from me? Take over the world?"

"I dunno. I didn't really have a plan, I just... needed the Power. More and more of it." Chase took another sip. "I would have killed all of your friends for their Power once I was done with you. Just... taken them, one at a time. How can you stand to have me in your house?"

"Well, you're kinda like a poisonous snake. As long as you're here, I know I can keep an eye on you."

"Don't people kill poisonous snakes?"

"Even poisonous snakes have their place in the world. I don't like waste." Caleb shook his head. "It doesn't really matter that I put _you_ in the Barrens. It only matters that I did it to a person, period. That's not who I am. So I fixed it."

"You make it sound like you had to do it."

"Maybe I did. Who I am, made me do it."

Chase thought about that for a moment; what it would be like to have such a firm sense of good that you would be willing to change parts of the world to fit not what you wanted, but what you thought was right. Something occurred to him. "Where is Sarah? I thought you two..."

Caleb looked at his drink, his face darkening. "She died a little over a year ago. Drunk driver. I, uh. Nothing I could do."

Chase went with his intuition. "But you still blame yourself."

Caleb looked startled. "Maybe a little. She was driving back from school to come see me."

Chase started laughing softly.

Caleb frowned. "Something funny?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. Maybe." Chase couldn't stop smiling. "Just... you... fixing everybody and everything, something about it just amuses me."

"Yeah, well, one thing I've found out is that it's harder to fix things than destroy them."

"So now," Chase drawled, "You're going to fix _me_. Good luck with that."

"No," said Caleb. "You're going to fix you. I'm just going to help. And if you can't fix yourself, and you pose a danger to anybody else, I _will_ kill you." The kindness in his eyes gave the words the weight of simple truth.

A million sarcastic or argumentative or dismissive replies crowded into Chase's head, but he didn't say any of them. He just looked at Caleb and thought, _I still have a lot to learn about possibility and impossibility._


	4. Chapter 4

It turned into the first of many talks between them. The other guys had returned to college. Caleb wasn't working or going to school, he was taking a few years hiatus from everything to take care of his mother, with the tacit understanding that she wouldn't last much longer. The role of caretaker made him a strange mixture of constantly occupied and never too busy. Meanwhile, Chase wandered the house like an invalid, re-learning how to live one step at a time.

After three weeks, he had access to his family's money again. He could get his own place if he wanted.

He didn't want to.

And he felt that Caleb didn't want him to go, either, and not just for the poisonous snake excuse. The life that Caleb led was clearly a lonely one. Chase represented the simple comfort of company. Maybe his presence was also a reminder to Caleb of who Caleb was; the great rescuer. Chase was his greatest success, perhaps.

It was obvious that losing Sarah had cost Caleb some essential part of himself. Caleb spent a lot of time staring off into space, a lost look on his face. His eyes would fill with tears at random times. He sometimes performed the same small tasks over and over again, not noticing what he was doing. Something was missing in him. He was struggling to get it back.

So there were plenty of possible explanations as to why Caleb wanted Chase around, but why Chase wanted to stay was less clear. He spent hours thinking about it and got nowhere. He expected that he would figure it out soon, though; his mind was clearer every day, his emotions stronger.

His body was waking up, too. One morning of week 3, Chase woke up with an erection. He felt a profound relief. He realized that somewhere deep inside of his mind, he had been worried that along with the loss of the Power he had also become literally impotent. He closed his eyes and touched himself gently, feeling his own shape as though to reacquaint himself with it. After so much time without any release, his body responded quickly. The pleasure was sharp and hot as he began to stroke the shaft of his cock; it was overwhelming and when his orgasm hit it almost violently shook him. Just at the moment of climax, his mind's eye saw a flash image of Caleb's face.

He panted for breath for a moment, coming down. And he thought, _Oh. I wonder if that's why._

He ruminated on the idea as he cleaned himself up. It wouldn't be a terrific surprise; Chase had always been sexually fluid, his crushes indiscriminate of gender. But he hadn't really explored his options before, because once he found the Power, nothing else compared to it. He supposed that he would have been a typical horny teenager without it. As it was, he was a virgin.

He realized he had just jacked himself off while wearing Caleb's boxers, and the thought sent a stray pulse of feeling to his cock that almost made him hard again.

Chase took a deep breath. _Okay. This should be interesting._


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks later, Caleb shoved a meat thermometer into the roast, checking to see if it was done. It wasn't yet; he put it back in the oven.

He took a simple pleasure in cooking. All you had to do was follow directions, and poof! Small triumph that resulted in food. He needed all of the small triumphs he could get these days. Mostly because once the food was made, there was no guarantee that his mother would touch it. She was in the last stage of alcoholism; all she wanted to do was drink.

Now Chase was here, and Chase was still physically 18 years old, which meant a voracious appetite. He wasn't overly picky about food, either. It made cooking much more fun for Caleb. The first few days, Chase had simply sat down to meals and eaten without a word or any indication that he noticed what food was going into his mouth. Now, he was acting more awake, and frequently complimented Caleb on his cooking.

It was strange, for a monster, for someone who claimed not to know how people interacted, that Chase was so generous with his appreciation. Then again, expressing his feelings had never seemed to be a problem for him. Not killing people was more his issue.

"Dude. Are you actually wearing a fucking apron?"

Caleb turned around and blushed a little. "It's handier than you would think. Look, it has pockets."

Chase smirked and peeked into the oven. "What's cooking, Mom?"

"If you don't want me to call you 'Child', you'd better not call me 'Mom'. I'm making a roast with some potatoes and carrots."

"Smells good."

Caleb felt a small surge of pride. "Thanks."

Chase straightened up and gave Caleb an unreadable look. There was some kind of strange intensity in his eyes. "Caleb, how long is this going to last?"

Caleb couldn't pretend to not know what Chase was referring to. "It lasts as long as it needs to."

"And who decides that?"

"Both of us. You decide when you're ready to be a functioning member of the outside world, and I decide whether you're right about that." Caleb began to put spices back into the cabinet. "Sound fair?"

Chase grinned. "Nope. But it sounds pragmatic."

"I am a very pragmatic guy."

"I would expect nothing less from someone who wears an apron."

"Listen, you want to know why I wear this? Because of _this_." Caleb took the wet dishrag from the sink, twirled it up and whipped Chase with it. A large splat of gray soapy water spread on Chase's shirt.

"Hey!" Chase looked down at himself in faux distress. "For all you know, that could be your favorite shirt!"

"I wouldn't give you any of my favorite shirts."

"Okay, then, I guess we'll just throw this one out." Chase took the shirt off and tossed it at the trashcan. Caleb caught it in mid-air.

"Nice try. All it needs is a wash."

"And what about me? I'm traumatized now and I smell like dishwater."

Caleb shook his head. "Can't help you with the fact that you stink, man. That sounds like a personal problem."

Chase took a step closer into Caleb's personal space. "And what about my trauma?"

Caleb had spent most of his life with three friends who were as close as brothers, and who were on a swim team... he was no stranger to male nudity and not at all shy about physical contact with a man. But something about having Chase this close, shirtless, made him uncomfortable. He tried to shake it off, but it wouldn't shake. His skin was prickling. Was Chase using the Power? He looked at Chase's eyes; no change in shade. It couldn't be the Power. Maybe Caleb had just been spending too much time alone lately. "Your trauma is _way_ outside my area of expertise, Chase. I'd recommend a therapist but uh, that might not go so well." He took the opportunity to push Chase's shoulder back a little, making it seem like a playful shove.

Chase covered Caleb's hand with his own, keeping it on his shoulder.

Caleb was too surprised to react at first, so he left his hand there. He could feel goosebumps rising on Chase's skin. This was edging toward creepy. "What are you doing?"

Chase said, "Touching you."

It was such a blunt and simple reply that Caleb wasn't sure how to react. He realized that he'd never really wondered about Chase's sexuality; he'd seen the game Chase had played with Kate, and had assumed it was at least partially real. But then, nothing about Chase had been real.

This felt real. And Chase had kissed him once... it had been a sneering mark of triumph, but it had also been a kiss.

Caleb said softly, "Listen... I think you may be confused about something..."

"I know you're straight."

"Then... why...?"

"Because you're the only other person in my world right now. I don't have anybody else." There was no hint of theatricality in Chase's manner; he said it almost in a monotone. Truth. Apparently he was so unaccustomed to speaking it that he didn't even know what expressions or tone to use.

Caleb's heart ached for a moment. Chase was right; he was utterly alone except for Caleb, and people needed each other. Hell, Caleb was alone too, except for his Mom, who wasn't really there at all now. He never touched anybody anymore either.

Caleb squeezed Chase's shoulder gently, and then impulsively pulled him into a hug. Chase froze for a second, and then returned the hug so tightly that it made Caleb's ribs ache. Caleb could feel Chase's heartbeat, elevated a little. And then he felt something else; Chase was hard. Caleb winced slightly and almost pulled away, but he thought, _No. I hugged him, not the other way around. It's not his fault._

Chase whispered, "Okay, okay... stop." He pushed at Caleb, and Caleb let him free. Chase's face was red, his breathing elevated. He looked utterly confused.

"You okay?" asked Caleb, feeling a little flustered himself.

Chase turned on one heel and walked out of the room without a word.

Later, when the roast was ready, Chase didn't come down for dinner, and he didn't respond when Caleb knocked at his door. Caleb, unsure of what to do, left a plate of food beside the door and went to clean up.

He couldn't sleep that night. Something about the encounter in the kitchen was bothering him, and he couldn't figure out what. He lay awake all night, breathing in and out, a strange tight feeling in his stomach. He could feel Chase's presence, even several rooms away.


	6. Chapter 6

Chase tried to pretend the next day that nothing strange had happened, but it was futile. He was genuinely nervous, a feeling he wasn't accustomed to, and it was obvious, flowing off him like wind over an airfoil. He felt Caleb's compassion and it made him want to grind his teeth. He didn't want pity. He wanted...

Well, he couldn't pretend that he didn't know exactly what he wanted. He had explored a number of possibilities in his imagination each morning when he woke up with another reliable, rock-hard erection. Every morning now, he stroked himself and thought about Caleb's mouth, his hands, his dick. He tried to suppress the fantasies during the day, but morning was open season. Being a virgin didn't mean he was lacking in knowledge or imagination. In his fantasies, they had done everything except fuck. Somehow Chase felt shy about that final surrender, even in the privacy of his mind.

But he knew he'd start thinking about that eventually too.

Caleb seemed to want to reassure Chase that everything was okay between them, but he chose the worst possible method of proving it: he started touching Chase frequently and at random, as though to say, "It's okay, I don't mind." Purely innocent touches, a shoulder tap or a brief neck hug or a handshake or a pat on the back, but they drove Chase nearly insane with want.

This went beyond a crush. Chase wasn't sure what it was, but he'd never felt it before. He did his best not to stare when Caleb was looking back at him, but whenever Caleb turned away, he allowed himself to look long and hard. It was never enough. Whenever Caleb smiled at him, he felt as though he were sinking and floating at the same time. Caleb's laugh made him feel nearly sick. Caleb's constant small kindnesses gave him a helpless, hopeless feeling that kept him awake at night.

He'd never met anybody like this before. Perhaps that was all it was. ( _Of course that's not all it is, idiot._ ) But it was still true; Caleb seemed to redefine everything that it meant to be human, for Chase. Caleb genuinely lived to help other people. It made no sense at all.

 _And I nearly killed him._ For perhaps the first time in his life, Chase was feeling the beginnings of a kind of self-recrimination. _I nearly removed him from the world, and the world needs him._ It wasn't quite guilt, but it was a very clear feeling of having done something incorrect. Something senseless and destructive. It was a feeling that perhaps he had always done everything the wrong way; that perhaps Caleb's way was better.

He decided to try to keep himself occupied to prevent his mind from spinning completely out of control. So he and Caleb played cards, they watched bad movies, they read. Caleb started to teach Chase how to cook. They went into town together to run errands. When Chase felt like he was going crazy, he went for a walk in the woods. Inevitably he came back home ( _When did this place become home?_ ) to find Caleb busily doing something or other and trying to hide the worried look in his eyes. The fact that Caleb worried about him when he was gone made Chase feel a pressure of hope in his chest. He tried to quash it; it always came back.

It was winter now, and Caleb usually made a fire in the evenings in the living room. They sat in front of it and watched the flames spin.

Chase turned away from the fire and toward Caleb, and he said, "Tell me about Sarah."

Caleb blinked in surprise. "Why?"

"Because you don't have anybody to talk to about her, and you want to. You loved her, right?"

"Yeah, I loved her."

"Why?"

Caleb studied Chase for a moment, and then said, "Well, she was... she had a lightness about her. I don't have it. I've always been this steady, responsible stick in the mud kind of person. She could look at almost any situation and see the fun. And things stick to me, too. Trouble just... gets all over me and doesn't let go, it's worse than duct tape. That never happened to her. She had the ability to let things go. And when I was with her, it was like magic, I could suddenly do it, too."

"Manic pixie dream girl?" Chase suggested.

"Oh god, don't even do that. She wasn't crazy or silly. Just... free."

"She was beautiful," said Chase.

"God, she was gorgeous, the first time I saw her I thought I was going to trip over my own feet. I literally bumped into Reid before I could say hello. I don't even remember what I said to her. It must have worked, whatever it was." Caleb closed his eyes, settling back in his chair. "I can't even remember what that feels like, now."

 _I can,_ thought Chase. He looked at Caleb and swallowed hard. "It's like the rug is constantly being pulled out from under your feet and you can't get your balance. Meanwhile, someone hands you about five balls to juggle. And you have to pretend that everything is normal."

"Yeah." Caleb opened his eyes. "That describes it perfectly." He glanced at Chase before Chase had the chance to change his facial expression, and his eyes widened. "Jesus, Chase." He paused. "I'm sorry."

Chase had to laugh. "What for? You haven't done anything wrong."

"I'm just sorry that you have to feel that way without any..." Caleb trailed off, looking confused.

"Without any hope of reciprocation? Yeah, I'm a little sorry about that too. But if I may speak freely..." he waited, and Caleb nodded. "... You sell yourself a little short. That stick-in-the-mud quality, that reliability and responsibility? The way you can't let go of it when things are wrong? That's beautiful." It felt like the wrong word, but it was the only word Chase could think of. "I bet you stay alone until you die because of losing her."

"If I stay alone it'll only be because I suck at flirting. I'm not the Emily Dickinson type." Caleb seemed mildly affronted.

Chase smiled. "Yeah, but you know what I mean. Nobody else could ever possibly mean as much to you." _At least that's what I keep telling myself._

"Probably right about that."

"And that seems like a shame," Chase said before he could quite stop himself.

"If it's true, it is." The firelight danced in Caleb's dark eyes. It almost looked like the play of Power, and then Chase realized it was, because a tiny lick of fire left the fireplace and wafted through the air to Caleb's outstretched hand. It cavorted around his fingertips for a few seconds, and then disappeared with a faint ghost of smoke.

Chase realized that his own hand was stretched out toward where the flame had been. His mouth was dry. Just being this close to the Power... it was like being this close to Caleb and not being able to do anything about it. Everything he wanted was just barely outside Chase's reach.

Then, he felt it... a change in his heartbeat. The darkness in the room lightened and his vision blurred briefly. Nothing happened, but he knew the feel of Power flowing through him, and it was happening now. Chase's heart began to pound and he sat up, still holding his hand out as though begging the Power to come to him... but that was all, it seemed. The Power left.

"What just happened?" Caleb said, staring.

"I... felt it. I felt some of my Power." Chase felt a brief shock that he'd told the truth so easily. And then he wondered whether he was capable of lying to Caleb now. "Then it disappeared." Chase's body felt as though it were full of light and energy now; he wanted to go outside into the darkness and run for miles. "Christ. I forgot what it felt like. I forgot what it felt like!" He laughed.

"Like you can take on the whole world?" said Caleb. His voice was gentle, but it felt like a warning.

Chase looked at Caleb, the feeling of triumph still coursing through his body, and tried to calm himself down. "Sorry."

"I don't like it that you reached for it so easily. You were addicted before, you will be addicted again if you get Power that strong." Caleb sounded worried, and Chase could hardly blame him; he knew that Caleb still intended to kill him if things got out of hand. And now that he knew Caleb so much better, he knew that if Caleb killed him, Caleb would break, this time forever. It would destroy him to kill somebody else.

But he would do it anyway.

For the first time in two lives, Chase felt two desires at war with each other. The idea of destroying Caleb made him feel like he was falling into a deep pit; the idea of giving up the Power made him feel like he was suffocating. He leaned forward in his chair and put his hands on the sides of his head. He felt like he was trying to hold his own mind together as it split in two.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Caleb's hand was on Chase's shoulder. "What's going on?"

"You don't want me to use," Chase said hoarsely.

Caleb spent a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts carefully. As he thought, he began to rub small circles into Chase's shoulder. It was maddening and comforting at once. Caleb said, "Actually, I do."

"You... do?"

"The Power is a part of you, like an arm or a leg. I know what it feels like. I'd like to see you all in one piece, healthy again. Or maybe healthy for the first time. That means you with your Power, but it also means you in control of it."

Chase thought about being self-controlled like Caleb. Somehow, the thought of being like Caleb was like being closer to him, and that was painfully attractive. Chase said, "I never could control it before. I mean, I could control the way it expressed itself, but I had to use. I couldn't resist it." Even now he was still reaching out with his mind, searching for that trace of Power he'd held for a mere second.

"I felt that way when I first got it, too, but control can be learned. I watched my father overuse. That helped."

"How is he now?" Chase wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

"He's dead. He willed me his power so that I could defeat you." For the first time, Caleb's eyes held a trace of anger and blame.

Chase felt chilled. Caleb's hand was still on his shoulder, but now it was gripping him like the hand of a police officer weighing down the shoulder of a criminal.

"And before that," Caleb said, "For years he was just... this withered husk of a person. Barely alive. He used until he wrecked his body completely. For most of my life, I didn't really have my own father. He just couldn't be there for me. He was too old, too sick."

Caleb's hand was beginning to bruise Chase, but Chase didn't want the contact to end. "Having a father isn't always all that great."

Caleb shook himself free of his reverie and pulled his hand back, to Chase's regret. "I take it that comes from personal experience?" He went to stoke the fire.

"Yeah."

"Your adopted dad?" Caleb said over his shoulder.

"Yeah."

Caleb went back to his chair. "I've been meaning to ask you, but didn't really know how to bring it up..."

"Why I killed them?" Chase looked listlessly at the fire. There was a throbbing place on his shoulder now.

"Yeah. Sorry if that's... well, personal."

"It is, but if anybody's earned the right to ask, it's you. Basically..." Chase paused, feeling an old familiar pain in his gut. "When I was a little kid, they acted like I was a piece of decoration. If I put a foot out of the proper place for any reason, _ever_ , they said they regretted adopting me. So... I was useless to them except as something to have power over." He kept his eyes on the fire, not wanting to see what would be in Caleb's eyes. Probably pity. "Then I hit thirteen, and got the first of my own Power. And that was fucking disastrous. I used a few times around my parents, and they refused to say that they believed it was me, they made up the most hilarious stories to explain why Mom's twelve-setting china set was flying out the window. But they knew it was me, and they locked me up."

"Locked you up... where?"

"At first? In my room, behind a locked door. When I got out, they put bars the door. When I got out again, they put bars on the windows. I had to keep using, it was the only thing in my life that felt good. I kept escaping, but I was just a kid, where was I gonna go? I kept coming back to them because it was my home, and when I came back, Dad would... well. They had this doctor friend who used to come by after he got angry at me, the doctor would bandage me and set the broken bones... it was... anyway, he made it clear to me finally that if I ever escaped again, he would kill me. I wanted to kill them both. But I couldn't. They were still my parents. How could I do that? After Dad threatened to kill me, I tried to stop using."

He paused for breath, and then plowed on, hoping there might be some kind of a feeling of relief at the end. So far, saying it out loud just made him feel worse about it.

"It was hard, but I learned how to fake normal, how to charm my way out of that room. It wasn't freedom, but it was bearable. My parents calmed down. I hated them even more. They preferred a fake me to the real me. So I figured it out; there were people with power, and people without, and it was better to be one of the people with power. And when I turned 18, I realized I was one of those people, finally, and that I could be on my own if I wanted to be. So I made their brakes lock up on the side of a cliff road. I broke the bars for the last time." _There it is. I've confessed._ It was more words than he'd said altogether in years; usually he didn't talk about himself, just glibly responded to whatever other people wanted him to say. He didn't feel better or cleaner. He felt like he'd just been dragged through broken glass.

Caleb said in a voice surprisingly calm, "So you sought out the most Power you could possibly find, so that nobody could ever have power over you again."

Chase looked at Caleb, feeling dull surprise. "Yeah." Caleb was looking back at him with something more than simple pity; it was something resembling understanding.

"Is that still your goal?"

"No." Chase felt his eyes filling with tears. He blinked them away. "I don't really have one now. Just... maybe to get back some of what I lost. But after that? I have no idea what I'm going to do."

"Well, you need a plan, because without something concrete to do with yourself, you'll just use until you kill yourself."

"I know that, now."


	7. Chapter 7

Caleb couldn't sleep that night. He was thinking about Sarah... Chase had been right; Caleb had nobody to talk to about her and it had been a relief to say some things. On the other hand, it hadn't been a relief, because the moment Caleb had started talking about her, he realized that it had been a couple of days since he'd thought about her at all. Talking about her brought the feelings of grief freshly into his chest. A part of him was grieving harder than usual, just because he felt guilty for forgetting her for so long. _How did that even happen?_

_Because of him._

Chase had occupied so much of Caleb's time and attention lately that Caleb hadn't had the time to sit and stew in grief and loneliness. When Caleb had brought Chase home with him, he had expected to feel guarded and wary and responsible. He hadn't expected to feel simple pleasure in Chase's company. To Caleb's surprise, the two of them were very compatible. Chase had a way of making life interesting without disrupting Caleb's life completely; or rather, he represented just about the right amount of disruption to keep Caleb from feeling bored and shut-in.

But the things they had talked about that evening... something about that conversation had tripped some kind of a switch in Caleb. He realized that this was no longer a guard/prisoner situation. There was too much intimacy; this was more like a guardian with a ward. He wanted to protect Chase, now. From the lure of the Power, from the burden of his own ignorance, and from the cruelty of the outside world. Because it sounded like Chase had endured enough cruelty for one lifetime.

The ignorance aspect was perhaps the most frightening. Caleb realized that he had taken a bounty of education for granted in his early years. From the time he had been little, his father had prepared him for the powers that would emerge in his teens, and when his father had gotten too old, there was the storehouse of books in the vaults below the house. Where the books ended, he and his friends had experimented with the Power on their own. Reid in particular was creative with the Power. He had learned a number of tricks which he taught the others, none of which were things that Caleb would have thought up on his own: generating electrical shocks, removing the oxygen from the air, making someone vomit. It hadn't all been bad, either: Reid knew how to make flower buds bloom early. He'd used it to impress more than a few girls in his time. They always thought it was sleight of hand.

Chase had had access to none of that. Everything he knew, he'd stumbled into on his own. When Caleb thought about some of the things he'd seen Chase do, that was an amazing revelation.

If Chase had had Caleb's level of education, his parents would have died much sooner. Or would they have? What Chase had implied without saying aloud was that he had loved his parents, at least a little bit, in the early years. He didn't speak of their deaths with happiness. Even before his disappearance, when he had seemed to boast about it, it had been triumph or satisfaction perhaps, but not happiness.

It occurred to Caleb to wonder whether Chase even knew what happiness was.

Then he realized that he was thinking about Chase again rather than Sarah, and he wanted to punch himself. He closed his eyes, tried to sleep. It was useless.

He got up, put on a pair of pants and went downstairs to check on his mother. She was dead asleep and snoring; sometimes knowing that she was sleeping soundly was enough to help him sleep himself, but tonight he wasn't so sure. He felt restless. He noticed there was a dim light emerging from the den; he went to investigate.

Chase was sitting in one of the chairs, half-dressed as Caleb was, looking as though he had been crying. Caleb wanted to tiptoe out before Chase saw him, but Chase looked up too quickly, sensing somehow that Caleb was there.

Caleb said, "You okay?"

Chase cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah. Just thinking."

Caleb sat down. "Looks like you weren't thinking about anything good."

"I was just thinking about coming here for the first time."

Caleb was a little curious about that. "What was it like?"

"I transferred only a couple of months after my parents died. I spent those two months basically going crazy with freedom. Did some research, found my dad. Figured myself out a little bit. And then I came here... I was amazed by all the people. I felt like..." He swallowed, and looked at Caleb with something a little like anxiety.

"Like what?"

"Like a shark in the middle of a school of fish." Caleb looked at his hands, flexing them. "I could do anything, be anybody, fool all of you. I did just that. I fooled you all, except maybe Pogue."

"If you wanted to fool him, you probably shouldn't have flirted with his girlfriend," Caleb said.

Chase half-smiled. "I shouldn't have done a lot of things. How is she, by the way?"

"Well, she missed some school recovering from what you did to her, but she got caught up. Kate was bright, she was one of the top in the class. Did you know that?"

"I did... she was just below me," said Chase.

Caleb blinked in surprise. "You were in the top five?"

"I was number one. I think that was real, not just the Power, because I always made good grades when I was younger too."

Caleb absorbed this for a moment. "I'm trying to picture you giving the valedictory speech, and I can't."

Chase was surprised into a laugh. "Oh god. No way I could have pulled that off; too much earnest innocence, right? You basically give a combo pep talk and sermon."

"Basically. Going back a little... why did you hurt Kate? Why not just go directly for me?"

Chase looked into the dark, cold hearth and said, "Kate was an experiment gone wrong."

"An experiment?"

"What I wanted was to threaten Sarah, enough to get you to go along with my plan. But I didn't want to kill her in front of you, I figured that would backfire on me."

"It would have."

"So I practiced on Kate."

"She nearly died."

Chase looked at Caleb. "I keep trying to explain this to you: I would have killed all of you. One by one."

"I guess I just don't understand why. Or maybe I just don't understand why you won't do it now."

"Well, I can't do it now."

"But you don't really want to, either," said Caleb. "Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong." Chase reached out into the air; Caleb knew he was reaching for Power, and not finding it. "Some parts of me got... left behind, in that empty place. Some of that drive to grab everything I could get my hands on and destroy it, is gone. I don't feel it anymore."

"That's weird."

"It is weird."

Caleb found something strange was happening to him in the dim room, exchanging quiet words with Chase. He felt the desire to be physically closer. He wanted to reach out.

Honestly, that had been true for days now. Whenever Chase was in the room, Caleb had an odd urge to touch him. At first he was just trying to reassure Chase that contact was okay, that he wasn't creeped out if Chase was a little interested. But this went beyond reassurance. Caleb felt the pull like a magnet. It was fascinating and disturbing. He wondered if maybe Chase was using without knowing it. _No. I would know it._

As if to prove that point, Chase's eyes suddenly shifted, and he sat up in his chair; Caleb felt the pull of Power being used. It lasted for an instant and then it was gone again, just like before.

Chase began to breathe hard, his eyes wide and desperate as he tried to get it back. He held his hands out beseechingly in front of him, but nothing came.

Caleb felt the lure of using more powerfully than he'd felt it in years of steady practice rebuffing it. Watching Chase look for the Power so frantically reminded him of what that felt like. He couldn't resist. He stood up and took two steps, clasping Chase's hand in his own, and called the Power through him and into Chase.

Chase sat bolt upright and stared at Caleb, and then his hand clutched tightly at Caleb's and he closed his eyes and rode the wave of Power issuing through their contact.

Caleb didn't do anything with the Power, he just let it flow into Chase and then bleed slowly out of both of them into the air. Something about the exchange felt familiar to him, especially the expression on Chase's face. He slowly let the Power go, lingering over it, watching Chase react.

A flash of memory popped into his head: laying with Sarah in bed in the early hours of the morning, touching her, watching her react. Caleb realized where he recognized the ecstatic expression on Chase's face. When he realized it, he let go hastily. His heart was racing.

Chase opened his eyes with a start, some of the bliss fading. He looked up at Caleb with loss in his eyes. "Why did you..." he trailed off.

Caleb shook his head. "It's not safe."

There was a sudden flare of rage in Chase's eyes, a flash of the ferocious young man he was before the void, and he stood up to face Caleb. They were inches from each other. Chase said, "You're the one who started it, not me! If it's not safe, then don't do it!"

"I won't do it again," Caleb said, feeling his face redden with a combination of frustration and embarrassment. "I just..."

"You just what? Am I an experiment now?" Chase's gray-blue eyes were fully dilated; no more than rings of blue around large pools of black.

"No," Caleb said, desperately trying to scrape his thoughts together. "You just looked so... sad."

"You took _pity_ on me?" said Chase. He abruptly shoved Caleb to the side and strode past him toward the stairs.

Caleb reached out and grabbed Chase's arm. "Wait."

"Let go of me."

"Just, stop okay? Stop." Chase tried to wrestle his arm back, but physically Caleb was far stronger. He could hold Chase with brute force, but he wanted Chase to calm down. Before he could think about it, Caleb grasped the Power again and sent a tiny shot of it into Chase's arm.

Chase stopped dead, gasping. "Please stop. Don't do that unless..."

Caleb finished the sentence on his own, not with words, but with a feeling that was throbbing deep in his belly. In this moment, nothing else existed, nobody else lived in the world except Chase and him. Nothing else mattered. No judgment, no rules, no past. This was right now, this was something real, and it had been a very long time since he had felt anything this real. He pulled Chase close, not sure what he wanted to do.

Chase grabbed Caleb's head, his fingers sliding back into Caleb's hair, and kissed him fiercely.

It was awkward at first; Caleb had never kissed a guy before. He wasn't sure if it was done differently. It _felt_ different, certainly. Different, but was it bad?

He started to kiss back, and felt Chase's body shiver, and no, this wasn't bad at all. It wasn't bad. It was maybe even good. They took a breath against each others' lips and kissed again, and it was quickly turning from good to amazing. Chase was moving his hands now, roughly palming Caleb's muscles in his arms, his back, and then his chest and then... Caleb shocked himself by grabbing Chase's ass and pulling his hips hard inward so that their cocks were pressed together. Chase made a sound like his entire world was ending, and he began to shove and thrust himself against Caleb.

It had been a long damn time. Too long. Caleb's body felt like a roaring animal, nothing but a rage of need that told his hands exactly where to go and his lips exactly what to do. They wrestled each other to the thick rug on the floor and Caleb soon overwhelmed Chase, holding him down and shifting his hips roughly to see if he could force Chase to make that amazing sound again.

"Please..." Chase whispered. "Wait."

Caleb paused, loosening his grip. "What's wrong?"

Chase bit his lip, his face flushed and sweaty. He closed his eyes and said, "This is my first time."

Caleb stared at Chase for a second, and then rolled off him, covering his face with his hands. "Jesus H. fucking Christ." An avalanche of hesitations and doubts that had been hovering just behind the onslaught of sex suddenly fell, and he felt like a terrible person.

"I'm sorry," Chase whispered.

"Sorry? Oh, no, don't be sorry." Caleb rolled to his side and put a hand on Chase's chest. "I'm the one who should be sorry. There I was, being all... um..."

"Forceful," Chase said.

"Yeah. Forceful." Caleb felt that his momentum had been interrupted, and wasn't sure how to get it back, or whether he really ought to. "You've really never... I mean, not with anybody?"

"It never really interested me before."

"What's different about now?"

"I dunno." Chase caught his breath. "But I didn't say stop. I just said wait."

Caleb looked at his hand, still pressed against Chase's chest, and let it slide down to Chase's belly. "What do you need?"

Chase said, "Skin." He pushed himself toward Caleb and they were kissing again, this time as naturally as breathing. It almost felt as necessary as breathing, too. Chase tugged at Caleb's pants. They both began to struggle and kick their way out of their clothes. Caleb felt a little self-conscious, and he could see that Chase's face was still red. There was a slight awkward pause once they were both naked, but then Chase gave Caleb a hungry look and moved in, kissing Caleb's neck and then his chest; hard, wet, biting kisses that left red marks. Caleb groaned as Chase worked his way down. _Is he really going to... yes he is._ Caleb threw his head back as Chase's warm mouth sucked the tip and then the shaft of Caleb's cock.

And this was different, too, coming from a guy rather than a girl. Chase's mouth was larger, stronger, more aggressive. It almost felt like a challenge: _I dare you not to come._ Caleb wasn't sure he was up to that. He gasped and did something he never would have done with a girl; he shoved his hips upward, fucking Chase's face. Chase took it with an approving moan, his voice vibrating around Caleb's cock and making it even harder. Caleb had never felt anything quite like this. The pleasure was so intense that it was almost traumatic. He wondered whether Chase was experiencing something similar...

He gasped out, "I'm gonna come..." trying to warn Chase, but Chase only sucked harder and Caleb felt his entire body clench and drown in ecstasy as Chase made him come.

He floated in a haze for a few moments, and then felt Chase moving up his body. Chase kissed him, and Caleb could taste a tiny hint of himself on Chase's tongue. He could barely kiss back at first, he was so blissed out and exhausted, but they kept kissing for long minutes, long enough for Caleb to begin wondering whether Chase needed anything. He finally pushed Chase gently up and said, "Um... what about you?"

Chase smiled. "Got myself off while you were coming. That was amazing."

Caleb smiled back. "Okay, but don't do that again. Next time I get to make you come."

"Fair enough. I was a little nervous."

"Hope you're not anymore."

"No, not anymore."

Caleb pulled Chase back for another kiss, but they were both covered in sweat which was starting to get clammy and uncomfortable. He had an idea. "Want a shower?"

"... with you?"

He grinned. "Obviously."

Chase nodded quickly.

The showered together in the upstairs bathroom, kissing occasionally as they soaped themselves and occasionally each other. By the time they were clean, Chase was hard again and Caleb was getting there; Caleb pushed Chase firmly against the stone tiles and jacked him off with a strong soap-lubricated hand as Chase panted and moaned, his voice echoing off the tile surface. When he was done, Chase was so weak in the knees that Caleb had to help him get out and dry off. There was something particularly intimate about drying off another person after a shower; it was nurturing, something Caleb was good at. Chase seemed to relax into Caleb's hands completely, abandoning all self-preservation and letting Caleb take care of everything.

They went to bed and slept for a while, and then woke up, and ate some breakfast. Caleb took care of his mother, and then he came back upstairs feeling deflated and morose until Chase took him by the hand and led him back to the bed.

They stayed in it, on and off, for most of the next week.


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay, seriously, we have GOT to get out of the house."

"Or at least put clothing on," Chase agreed.

Caleb grinned at him. "Well, I wouldn't necessarily go _that_ far."

"I see. Naked wandering in the woods, then." Chase grinned back at him. "Sounds... actually not at all fun. Not even slightly fun."

"Well, I guess we can do shoes."

"Poison ivy."

"And pants." Caleb found their jeans crumpled on the floor, and tossed Chase one pair. He started putting his on.

Chase laughed. "No, really. Where did you want to go?"

"Anywhere. This room is starting to smell like..."

"Sex?"

Caleb blushed. "Yeah."

"Well, we could go to the store." Chase went to Caleb's closet and pulled out a shirt. It had been weeks since they had bothered to differentiate the clothing he borrowed. Caleb's pants were maybe an inch or two longer than they needed to be, but otherwise the two wore nearly identical sizes. Chase felt safe, warmly enclosed when he was wearing Caleb's clothing. He hadn't told Caleb that. "We're running out of ice cream."

"Only because you keep eating it. Where the hell are you putting it, anyway?" Caleb went to the closet and pulled Chase close, rubbing his hands up and down Chase's body. "You're not gaining weight."

Chase shrugged, trying his best not to lean into Caleb's hands. Just that much contact was making him hard again, and they'd already come twice today. "You're quite the workout apparently." He handed Caleb a shirt and pushed him away slightly. "Come on, we'll never make it out of here if you keep doing that."

"I know, it's just hard to resist," said Caleb, pulling on his shirt.

"Caleb." Chase turned to face him, his face serious. "Did you know this was going to happen?"

"What, sex?"

"Yeah. When you took me in."

Caleb said simply, "No. I didn't have the faintest clue. I'm not usually into guys."

"I wouldn't have guessed that by the way you suck cock," Chase said with a smirk. Caleb had shown remarkable gifts in that area. He'd certainly had the opportunity to practice, considering that was mostly what they did; mouths and hands. They hadn't fucked yet. Chase was too nervous to bring it up.

Caleb blushed. "It's not that hard."

"Not at the moment, at any rate."

Caleb rolled his eyes. "Come on, help me find my wallet."

Chase paused, feeling something familiar: certainty, coursing through him. "It's in your other pants."

Caleb stared at him. "You just used."

Chase stared back, feeling almost frightened. "It was so easy. I just... did it. It was right there." He lifted one hand and stroked the air. "It's gone now."

Caleb looked at Chase searchingly. "It's really coming back, then."

Chase considered lying, and once again stopped against what felt like a wall of impossibility. It was truer than ever, now that they had shared their bodies with each other and soaked up each others' smells and sweat and the sweet sounds of physical release, that Chase felt he couldn't lie to Caleb. His skin almost ached from constant touching during the past several days. Caleb had Chase raw and wide open, now. But then, that had been true since Caleb had summoned Chase back from the void, naked and vulnerable and helpless. Chase said, "What do I do?"

Caleb said, "I've been thinking about that. I think you need to do some reading."

"Reading?"

"Yep. Follow me. We can go to the store later."

They drove to a place Chase didn't recognize, an old house on a wooded property. Caleb parked far from the house, and they went to a shack on the rear acreage. Chase hesitated for a second before entering, but then Caleb smiled at him, and he followed. He was surprised to see a descending stairway just inside the door.

They made their way down into a well of flickering torchlight, going down until they finally entered a wide space, some sort of a natural cave, Chase guessed. Caleb's eyes flashed, and candles sprang to light all over the room. It _did_ look like a cave, the stone mostly granite with occasional flecks of sparkling mica brightened by the candlelight. There were nooks and shelves carved into the walls. Most of the shelves held rows and rows of books and scrolls. Here and there were strange artifacts; jars of what looked like preserved formerly living things, some familiar devices such as an Egyptian sistrum, other devices that Chase didn't recognize at all, wax figurines that were mostly warped and stained with time. Chase felt a tightness in his stomach, trying to absorb everything at once. It was a greater treasure than anything he had ever imagined, a true witches' trove of spellcraft and wisdom, gathered over hundreds--maybe thousands--of years. He tried to keep his voice from shaking as he said, "What is this place?"

"This is the Ossuary." Caleb went to the shelves and pulled out a few books, bringing them to a stone table.

"Doesn't that mean a tomb?"

"It does, but obviously it's more than that, that's just what we call it. We do bury our family dead here, since the 1600's. The sepulchers are down that passageway." He pointed to another descending stair. "Calling this place what it really is, a library, would attract the wrong kind of attention."

"Ah. Yeah, I can see that." Chase joined Caleb at the table. "May I see?"

"Of course, that's why I got them out. These are the first tomes we start to study, usually when we're eleven or twelve. I still have to pull them out now and then. Reid has them just about memorized."

Chase felt a sudden surge of resentment; Caleb and his friends had been fostered into their Power, taught how to use it. They probably hadn't had to deal with the nightmares Chase had endured. He fingered the cover of the largest book; it was covered in some kind of fawn-colored hide and had a large tree etched on the front. "You had it so easy," he murmured.

Caleb put a hand on Chase's shoulder. "I know," he said mildly. "And you learned everything the hard way. But it doesn't have to be that way this time. Sit down, take a look."

Chase gingerly sat on the stone bench and opened the cover. The pages of the book weren't paper, they were actually very thin slabs of wood that turned stiffly and creaked with the movement. Chase saw a series of incomprehensible symbols. "What language is this?"

"Lay your hand on top of the page. It'll recognize your blood."

"My blood?" Chase put his hand flat on the page. It was warm, it made the skin of his palm tingle. In the gaps between his fingers, he could see the symbols changing to English that was written in an elegant hand. He glanced at Caleb, and lifted his hand up. Caleb nodded at the book. Chase looked back down; he was able to read it.

" _The vein of magicks rewards the man of temperance..._ "

He kept reading.

After about an hour, Caleb left him alone with the book to go check on his mom. Chase stayed completely absorbed for the entire afternoon. It was strange; the words and phrasing were arranged oddly and often made no sense to the rational side of his mind, but somehow they brought images and knowledge into his mind as though planting them there directly. He felt a growing sense of the history of the Power forming in his own memory. Generations of use were carving channels of knowledge within him with each page turn.

By the time he finished the book, he had no sense of what time it was anymore. A few seconds might have passed, or a million years. He looked at the candle in front of the book. It hadn't changed at all. Why hadn't the flame eaten any of the wax?

"How's it going?"

Chase looked up at Caleb, who was just coming into the room. "What time is it?"

"Oh, yeah, it does that, you sort of forget where and when you are. It's six. I thought you might be hungry."

Chase wanted nothing more than to stay here and study more books, and was about to say he wasn't hungry, when his stomach made an angry noise that was audible to Caleb. Caleb smiled. Chase said, "I guess I must be."

"Don't worry, you'll have the chance to study them all. Pace yourself. These books can wear you out."

Chase nodded and stood up, or at least tried to. His legs were wobbly and his vision wavered for a moment before clearing. He put one hand on the table. "Whoa."

"See?"

"Yeah. Why is that?"

"Best I can understand is that the book uses your own energy to power itself. It's sort of like the book uses Power, but takes it from you rather than the aether."

"Aether? Wait, I read about that. It's the unused Power surrounding us, not physically but spiritually. Any space not spiritually taken up by our souls is infused with aether."

"Got it in one." Caleb looked pleased.

"So that's what we reach for when we reach out." Chase experimentally reached into the space around him with his mind, and felt that he had a different silhouette than his physical outline. Somehow he was taking up space that was not space, and surrounding that space was a constant shifting and swirling. He dipped into it, and his soul briefly darkened as it infused with power. The physical air around him was suddenly filled with tiny pinpoints of light that danced in a slowly descending pattern.

Caleb stared. "How did you do that?"

Chase gazed at the lights in wonder. "I dunno, I just sort of recreated what I was seeing in my mind when I thought about the aether." He drew back into himself, and the lights disappeared. Letting go of the Power was easier than it had ever been. Something about knowing that it was all around him kept him from needing to reach for more and more of it.

Caleb looked awed. "You're amazing, you know that? You've done so much without any teaching."

Chase felt his cheeks heat up at the compliment. "You still beat me."

"That's because I learned from you while we were fighting. Remember? Most of what I did to you, you did to me first. Until the last, when I shoved you right out of the world. I dunno, most of the time I'm kind of slow when it comes to using, but then something will startle me or put me in danger and then I can do things I never imagined I could do before."

"Then it's your confidence that's the problem, not your Power."

"Probably." Caleb shrugged amiably.

"Caleb, can I ask you something personal?"

"Shoot."

Chase looked uncomfortable. "Why not use the Power to heal your mother?"

Caleb sighed. "Because she doesn't want to be healed. She doesn't actually want to live." He swallowed, his eyes filling with tears. "Using the Power to overcome the will of someone else is almost impossible. I actually did try." His voice sounded a little wounded now. "I tried."

"I believe you," Chase said, his heart aching. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Caleb said, seeming to shake himself and recover. "So... um. Dinner?"

"Okay." Chase moved away from the table reluctantly. He felt that nothing, not even food, could have torn him away from those books except for the fact that he was walking toward Caleb, and his hunger for Caleb went deeper than his hunger for food. He went to Caleb and pulled him into a hard kiss. Caleb responded eagerly and immediately, sliding his hands over Chase's back and slowly sliding them down until they were cupping Chase's ass, which he held in a caressing massage that gave Chase a strange, desperate feeling. He suspected that Caleb wanted his ass. He also suspected that the feeling he was experiencing was the desire to give Caleb what he wanted. He had been thinking off and on about Chase fucking him for weeks now. Eventually... _but not yet. Not yet._ He pulled away. "Um. Food."

"Right, right." Caleb laughed. "Fuck, you do that to me so easily."

For the first time in a long time, Chase felt the familiar awareness of having power over another person. It wasn't exactly pleasurable, as it used to be. He was torn between wondering what was wrong with him now versus wondering what had been wrong with him before the void. Some part of him was distressed. He almost wanted to protect Caleb from... Chase himself.

Caleb seemed to sense something was amiss. "Hey, what's wrong?"

More than ever, Chase wanted to be able to lie. He couldn't. "Everything feels like an addiction now. Even this." He rubbed Caleb's chest.

Caleb pulled Chase close again, tenderly this time, and pressed his mouth against Chase's ear. "Stop worrying so much," he murmured. "Sex always feels like this in the beginning. We'll simmer down over time."

Chase closed his eyes and tried to relax. "What if I'm just... jumping from one thing to the next? First the Power. Now you. Then what? Start using meth or something?"

Caleb drew back and studied Chase. "Come on, dinner first. Worry later." They went upstairs.


	9. Chapter 9

A harsh, quick sound woke Caleb up. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times in the darkness, looking around for what had woken him. His first thought was that Chase was using. But no, it didn't feel like that.

Then he realized that his left side, where Chase had fallen asleep warmly next to him, was cold. He rolled over. Chase was curled up nearly into fetal position, and the sound that had woken Caleb up was the sound of his breath huffing frantically in some kind of distress. Caleb immediately grabbed Chase's shoulder and shook him gently. "Chase." Chase's eyes were closed, and Caleb realized he was still asleep. "Chase, wake up!" He shook him again. "Hey..." Chase suddenly woke with a violent start and began to flail; Caleb grabbed him around the chest. "Calm down! Chase, it's me! It's me, Caleb! Whoa there..." he dodged one of Chase's arms. "Dammit, stop! Okay, that's better... stop. Just relax." Chase gradually stilled. His breath was still heaving. "Chase?"

"Caleb." Chase twisted around and threw his arms around Caleb, holding him so tightly that it almost hurt Caleb to breathe. He said something, muffled against Caleb's chest.

"Hey, it's okay. What's that? I didn't hear you."

"I was back there. I was back in the void." Chase took a deep breath, and then started to cry. "I was nothing again, I had no body, I couldn't think or feel or... there was nothing, nothing..."

Caleb held Chase and tried to soothe him. "You're not back there, Chase. You're here. I got you here, and I'm not letting go of you, okay? Just breathe."

Chase started moving his hands over Caleb's body as though confirming he was real. "You're here."

"I'm here." It felt disturbingly arousing, and Caleb tried to shake it off and be comforting. "Come on. Ease up." But Chase didn't want to calm down. He suddenly shifted gears, pulling Caleb close and kissing him urgently. Caleb resisted for a second, but if this was what Chase needed... Caleb kissed back, more calmly but no less thoroughly. They were already wearing nothing but underwear, and it was the work of a few seconds to rid themselves of it. Skin to skin they wrapped themselves in each other until the air around them was heavy with their own breath, and Chase's tears dried as Caleb worked small bruises into the skin of Chase's neck.

Chase whispered, "Fuck me."

Caleb paused, lifting himself up a little. "You mean..."

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I want you to fuck me." Chase's eyes were clear and wide awake now, almost glittering in the darkness. "I've been wanting it for a while now."

Caleb tried to think clearly above the haze of sex. "I'm not sure I have... hang on." He dove to the side of the bed, opening his nightstand drawer and digging around in it. He hadn't ever fucked a man before, but he had done anal before, and he knew he needed lube. He finally found a small tube of it. By the time he pulled it out, Chase had curled himself over Caleb's body and was sucking his cock. Caleb groaned and fell back on the bed. Chase lifted himself up, his lips wet and swollen, his hair still mussed from sleep. Caleb's mouth went dry, looking at him. "How do you want to do it?" he said softly.

"Um... can it be done face to face?" Chase ducked his head a little, and Caleb sensed that he was blushing at his own ignorance.

"Sure, all you have to do is roll your hips up. Here, lay down." Caleb gently pushed Chase down on the bed onto his back. "Listen, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah. I want to feel... something really intense right now. The opposite of nothingness."

Caleb sat up and placed the palm of his hand on the inside of Chase's knee, pushing on it until Chase spread his legs. Caleb spilled some lube out onto his fingertips, showing Chase what he was doing. He felt Chase shiver slightly as he reached down.

One finger was a tight enough fit that Caleb knew this would take a little time. He began to work his finger in and out, circling it slightly and listening to Chase react with small sighs and sounds of surprise and discomfort... Caleb leaned in and took Chase's cock in his mouth, and Chase soon relaxed and began to open up. Two fingers, once again tight. Caleb spilled out a little more lube into his other hand and began to work Chase's cock steadily, slickly rubbing the shaft. Chase closed his eyes tightly, his mouth open and his hips beginning to move rhythmically against the bed.

By the time Caleb was satisfied that Chase was ready, Chase was quivering at the edge of climax and whispering, "Please... please... do it... please, Caleb..." With every 'please', Caleb's cock hardened a little more. He realized he had been wanting this, too. He finally slicked his own cock and lined himself up, tilting Chase's hips up a little and inserting the tip.

"Tell me again that you want this."

"I want it," gasped Chase.

Caleb slowly pushed in, leaning down to kiss Chase as he planted himself in Chase's body, shivering a little at the hot slick tightness. He began to shift his hips slowly forward and back, trying to make it as good as possible for Chase. It was already almost impossibly good for Caleb; his eyes kept involuntarily closing and he couldn't stop the noises he was making. Then again, Chase was even louder. Caleb moved down to Chase's neck and started working on more bruises as he fucked him. Just the thought... _We're doing it, we're actually fucking, I'm inside of him..._ was enough to make Caleb feel fierce and awestruck. He began to move faster. "Touch yourself," he gasped.

Chase slid his hand down between their pressed bodies and began to work his own cock with sharp, fast strokes, and Caleb felt Chase tighten around him. Caleb sped up. Soon it felt as though they were in a race to see who would come first... Chase won, throwing his head back as his entire body clenched and released, but Caleb was right behind him, his hips driven to mad thrusting by Chase's clutching, panting abandon. It was so good, amazingly good, and they managed to keep it going for long seconds before their bodies gave out, trembling.

Caleb relaxed into Chase's arms and began to kiss his face softly, hardly even aware of what he was doing or saying. Later he would remember murmuring things to Chase that made him blush in a more controlled moment, but for now, he just let the words flow from his mouth without thought; small, sweet, tender words. Words that only lovers ever said to each other. Chase seemed to drift in dreamy silence, soaking them in like parched ground absorbing a soft rain.

_I love you._

Caleb wasn't sure which one of them said it, and he didn't care. They had been saying it to each other without words for weeks anyway.

They cleaned each other off and slept, Caleb's arms and legs loosely draped over Chase's body. Caleb knew that in the morning he would wake up and Chase's eyes would be shy and careful, and he and Caleb would hesitate. But then they would reach for each other and everything would be alright.

There were no more nightmares that night.


	10. Chapter 10

It took Chase a week to make it through the books that Caleb had spent several years studying as a child, and then Caleb began to pull out the more mature material, not without misgivings. Soon Chase would be ready to study the Book of Damnation, and Caleb wasn't sure what he would do when that happened. With the progress that Chase was making, it soon wouldn't matter that Caleb's Power was greater than his. Knowledge could win out against sheer volume of Power. If that hadn't been true, Caleb wouldn't have been able to hold Chase off during their fight so long ago, long enough for his father to give him the Power he needed to finish the job... Caleb felt that he was ensuring his own destruction, but then Chase would look into his eyes with utter devotion, and it was hard to believe that Chase could hurt Caleb again.

_Again. Like he did before. He said it came naturally for him, remember? Why not anymore?_

But the knowledge seemed to soothe some of Chase's hunger for Power. He no longer sat in front of the fire and grasped at the air, trying to get more of it. He was under control. At least he seemed to be.

Caleb couldn't stop worrying.

He thought about what the other guys would think and say if they found out that he was... 

He was in love. With Chase.

He could feel it like a sweet ache in his chest every time they looked at each other, every time Chase gave him that half-smile of his. Sometimes now it widened into a real smile that changed his entire face, brightening it. Every time that happened, Caleb had to kiss him.

Reid would laugh himself sick if he knew. Pogue would likely hit Caleb over the head with a tire iron for being an idiot.

The stress of worrying and not sleeping (neither of them was getting much sleep these days for obvious reasons) was telling on Caleb's patience, and he lost it with his mother finally one day. He had been trying to get her to drink some broth because solid food was giving her problems now, and she had been whining like a child, mutinously turning her head to the side. Caleb finally said, "FINE!" and threw the bowl across the room. It shattered against the wall. He wanted to cry, or maybe beat the stuffing out of someone; instead, he just slumped in his chair and put his face in his hands, hiding.

A few minutes later, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Caleb looked up and saw Chase standing there with a tray in his hands, a fresh bowl of broth on it and a spoon. Chase was looking down at Caleb with an expression on his face that Caleb had never seen before; gentle and warm. "Go out to the living room. I'll handle this," Chase said.

"I don't think you--"

"I'll handle it. Go on." Chase gently but firmly took Caleb's hand and guided him out the door. Caleb stood in the doorway dumbly for a moment, watching as Chase sat down beside his mother and said, "Evelyn."

Caleb's mother squinted at Chase. "Who are you?" she asked pleasantly.

Chase smiled. "A friend. I need you to drink some broth, now. No arguing." He held the spoon out to her lips. She paused for a moment, and then opened her mouth.

Caleb felt a mixture of relief and anger. How could Chase possibly have done that so easily? Was it the Power? Manipulating a person's will was something even Caleb's father had never been able to master. If Chase could do that, there was no limit to his Power.

Chase turned around and smiled at Caleb. "See, we're getting along fine. Get out of here." He winked.

Caleb turned on his heel and left, going to the kitchen to make dinner. He felt flushed and confused.

About half an hour later, Chase returned to the kitchen with an empty bowl.

"What did you do to her?" Caleb asked accusingly.

Chase put the tray down and took Caleb by his shoulders, looking into his eyes. "I didn't do anything to your mom, Caleb. She responded to me because I was new and interesting. That's all."

"But how did you know she would?"

Chase shrugged and went to the sink, rinsing out the soup bowl. "I used to volunteer at a hospice ward in high school."

Caleb blinked. "Say that again please?"

Chase laughed a short, bitter laugh. "I was busy convincing my parents that I was a reformed individual. I did a fuckton of volunteering and extra currics. It kept me out of the house." He turned around, drying his hands. "I didn't mind being around people who were dying. They were more honest than most living people are. Most of them were angry or depressed, and wanted to lash out. I got that. I think that's why they all liked me."

"Did you kill any of them?" Caleb asked bluntly.

"A few," Chase said, lowering his eyes. "I could say they were mercy killings, but really they were practice. I wanted... I wanted to know that I could do it."

"So that you'd be able to do it to your parents when the time came."

Chase crossed his arms over his chest. "That part of me is over."

"Is it?" Caleb still felt raw and wounded. It felt like a personal affront that his mother had eaten for someone else but not him.

Chase studied Caleb for a moment. "What's bothering you?"

"You are. You're learning too much, too fast."

"You're the one who gave me the books to read."

"I know!" Caleb said roughly. He slammed his hands on the counter. "I didn't know what else to do, you have to learn about it or you'll kill yourself, but now... you're using easily now, Chase, and you're going to pass my abilities soon. There it is."

"That's it?" said Chase incredulously.

Caleb turned to him angrily. "Isn't that enough? If you go on a killing spree, it's my fault, because I brought you back!"

He expected Chase to lash out in return, but Chase just shook his head. "That's not going to happen. You should know why more than anybody else."

Caleb looked at Chase, wanting to believe him. He wanted more than that; he wanted Chase to be a good person, to be a person that Caleb could love without reserve. "I should know why?"

"Because of the summoning spell you used to bring me back."

Caleb was confused. "What do you mean?"

Chase squinted. "You don't know? You sacrificed a part of your soul to do it."

"How did you know that?"

"I read it in the Book of Damnation. I know I wasn't supposed to... I just needed to know, Caleb."

Caleb felt a chill go down his spine. "I did... sacrifice some of myself. Not enough to endanger the immortal part, but enough to cost me some of who I am. That was my choice to make."

Chase gave Caleb that look again; the look of utter devotion. He quietly said, "Caleb. Where do you think that part of you went?"

Caleb felt a realization slowly dawn upon him. "It went into you, didn't it?"

"Of course it did. The void eats you, Caleb. That's what it did to me; it was slowly eating away at me for two years, eating my soul. It would have eventually devoured me completely. To bring me back, you had to restore some of what I lost; you used a part of yourself to do it." Chase waited, watching Caleb's slow reaction. He smiled. "You idiot, you really didn't know, did you? Why do you think I'm so different?"

"Because of... me?" Caleb knew his mouth was hanging open stupidly, but he couldn't seem to recapture his composure.

"Why do you think you want me?" Chase asked softly. "You need me. You need that part of yourself back."

Caleb gathered his thoughts together. He knew that Chase was wrong about at least one thing. "That's not why I want you."

Chase tilted his head. "No?"

"No." Caleb went to Chase and pulled him into a deep kiss. "I'm not just trying to get something back. You've given me back more than what I lost."

Chase's eyes dimmed with tears. "I did?"

"You did." Caleb pressed his forehead against Chase's and closed his eyes. The knowledge was sinking in, now, and he knew that Chase was right. Some of the more obscure parts of the summoning spell made sense, now. He felt a surge of immense relief, so powerful that he nearly lost his balance. He leaned into Chase's arms. "It's... it's safe," he murmured.

"What's safe?"

"It's safe for me to love you," Caleb said. He felt Chase pause in shock, and then the two of them were kissing again. Caleb felt Chase's tears rolling down, and kissed them away.

Chase whispered, "I love you too. I'm capable of that. Because of what you gave me, I can love you."

They held each other tightly in the warmth of the kitchen.

Caleb felt strange, and then realized he was chuckling.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Something. I don't know. I just realized that Pogue is gonna kill me."

"Should I be worried?"

"No," Caleb said, smiling. "No, everything's going to be okay now."


	11. Chapter 11

The funeral was a quiet affair, very few mourners appeared. Caleb's friends were there, of course. Chase was glad that Caleb had finally told them about how close his relationship to Chase had grown, because Chase didn't intend to let go of Caleb's hand for a single minute of the burial ceremony.

Pogue gave Chase a few suspicious looks, and Tyler and Reid looked curious, but there was nothing more than that. They were polite toward Chase, and he was warmly friendly toward them in a way that seemed to surprise them all.

But most of his attention was on Caleb, who was dry-eyed and pale and silent.

Chase remembered the death of his own parents, watching them go into the ground, and he swallowed down a lump in his throat. It was strange, he'd never truly grieved for them. He could do it now. With what Caleb had given him, he could finally respond in a human way.

Caleb let go of Chase's hand long enough to drop a rose onto his mother's coffin, and then turned away from the grave. He came back to Chase and looked at him searchingly for a moment. "Did I do enough for her?" he asked in a broken whisper. His face crumpled a little.

Chase took both of Caleb's hands. "You did everything for her. You were her entire world."

Caleb nodded slowly, obviously trying to convince himself that Chase was right.

Hours later, the young men all went back to the Danvers mansion and grouped around the fireplace, talking quietly about old times back at Spencer's, laughing occasionally. Chase hung back a little, letting the group of friends have their moment, until Caleb looked over at him and reached out a hand. Chase came forward and took it. Caleb said, "Join us."

"Are you sure it's okay?" Chase asked, not just asking Caleb.

"Sure."

The conversation faltered for a few moments, but then Pogue said to Chase, "Hey man, did you know Daniel Baines? I just remembered that he transferred to Hastings sophomore year."

Chase smiled, surprised. "Yeah, I knew him. Dan with the Plan, right?"

"Yeah, he always had some plan for passing his classes that had nothing to do with studying."

They laughed and talked deep into the night, and Chase felt something relax in his chest, which had been tight for hours, possibly longer. Possibly all year. Pogue's eyes still harbored some dislike, but he seemed willing to allow Chase to be different from what he had been.

Only Caleb could have accomplished that, Chase realized. Caleb had powers that had nothing to do with using.

Tyler said, "Caleb, what will you do now?"

"Yeah," Pogue said. "You've basically put your life on hold for three years so you could take care of her... now you have to go out and live for yourself."

Caleb nodded soberly. "That's not an easy thing to think about."

Later, in bed, Chase asked him again. "Caleb, I know you don't want to, but you have to think about what's next. You know, there's still Harvard."

"I don't know if they'll let me in at this point," said Caleb. He stroked Chase's hair.

"It's worth trying. And if they don't, then someone else will. You need to go to school."

"Only if you come with me," said Caleb, smiling at Chase.

Chase took a deep breath. "No way I'm going to get in."

"You were the top of the class before, well, extenuating circumstances. Maybe they'll make an exception."

"Do you really think anyone will want me?"

"Yeah," Caleb said softly. "I think someone already does."

They made love and Caleb fell asleep.

Chase felt himself falling into sleep, so similar to the depths of the void, but he knew it was safe, because Caleb was with him and inside of him. He relaxed into the darkness and let it claim him, knowing that he would see tomorrow.

 

 

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, my few but faithful readers. I may write some more fics in this 'verse, because I like the altered Chase. <3


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